“Pacing Attraction With Women: Part One”
By Michael “Bishop” Emery
www.new-alpha.com
www.alphaunleashed.comApproaching, talking to, and sparking a connection with that sexy someone in a club is what it is all about, right? Often though, something seems to take over you once you realize the woman is being very receptive and responsive to you and might actually be attracted to you. Simply stated:
Guys start to “rush” to get the phone number, date, or get her into bed as soon as possible.Slow down, my friend, attraction becomes stronger if you pace it and let it flow more naturally instead of rushing to get a desired outcome.
For the typical guy, finding attractive women who seem genuinely interested in you can often time be uncommon. As such, you might want to make as much progress as you can with her, since you feel, “Another one might not come along for awhile.”
Pacing the attraction will require some work, but ultimately you will see that your patience will reward you for it. So let us get into ways to take control of your attraction so you can pace her attraction, thus making for a mutually exhilarating experience!
The best mindset to have when first interacting with a woman is one of “potential friendship.” Yes I realize you likely want to be more than friends with an attractive woman, but for now just work on making friends with her. The best way to get into this mindset is to realize a very real truth: attractive women are everywhere, so beauty alone should never be a reason to want to become intimate with any woman. Yes, this will take practice, so start practicing this NOW.
When you are first interacting with a woman treat her like you would a guy you think might make a good new friend to have; learn through conversation where you have similar or the same beliefs and views, and specifically find a topic that you are both passionate about even if it becomes a slight debate. Most guys try to avoid any kind of disagreement or debate out of fear it will ruin his “chances” but women generally love it when a guy will disagree with her and engage in a little bit of a debate with her.
Humor is important as well, so do your best within the first minute or two to get her to laugh; nothing too crazy, just a funny comment or a playful “I almost wore that same outfit, how awkward would THAT have been?” (Trust me; even if she replies “Oh you like to wear dresses do you?” most women will know that you are just teasing.) Getting her to laugh within a minute or two of first meeting her not only set a more relaxed mood; it is a great way to build rapport fast. Do not be one “punch line” after the other however, just that first funny comment and then get into learning about her through conversation. Set aside how she LOOKS and focus on how she IS.
When you find a nice flow of conversation going, sprinkle it with some more humor like a funny story or gently teasing her about something she said or a face she made. (Example; if she makes a funny face gives a slight grin and says, “Wait, how’s that face go again? I want to learn how to do that.”) By this point, which will be around 5 to 10 minutes into having first met each other, she will have at least a slight level of attraction toward you. Stay relaxed and focused though on still seeing her as “friend potential” so you can better pace the attraction. Based on how well things are going, you will want to either get her to go with you to another part of the club or you will want to excuse yourself and tell her you will come back by in a little bit.
If you are uncertain, a great “catchall” is to say, “I’m going to go grab another drink, you can come with me or I’ll just come back by later.” If she comes with you, that is a very strong indicator that you have her attention and attraction. In such a case, simply keep the conversation in “potential friend” mode by learning more about her and NOT asking for her phone number or suggesting hanging out. If she does not go with you, no worries, as long as you made sure to do this at a “high point” in the conversation. A “high point” means you are in the middle of a nice flow of conversation, instead of one or both of you trying to come up with something to say to keep the conversation going.
Why would you want to leave during a “high point”? The reason is because women are used to guys lingering around until SHE gets bored and finds a way to end the conversation, so by you being willing to “walk away” during a “high point” you demonstrate that you are not hungry for her attention and approval and are able to do your own thing without her. This will enhance the attraction she has toward you. Do NOT get her phone number yet, and do NOT suggest hanging out/going on a date, simply excuse yourself, go mingle or talk to friends, and come back to her later. This will likely take a lot of practice on your part, but trust me it will pace the attraction in an eventual great direction.
Once you return, it would be an excellent pacing of the attraction if you bring up something she had said earlier. (Example: “Ok, I’m back. Hey, you said earlier that you love to go mountain biking, so I’m curious what brand of bike you would recommend if I decide to give that a try?”) This demonstrates to her that you were listening during that first conversation, which advances the attraction at a nice pace. At some point in the conversation now, it is common for things to come up like sex, sexuality, past relationships, and/or what each of you likes in a potential relationship partner. It might be subtle or flat out in your face, but it will be there. The key is to still look at her as a “potential friend” instead of using these sensual topics to try and work on getting something physical going with her.
Most guys screw this up, and thus screw up the pacing of the attraction. And one piece of advice that I highly recommend when talking to her about your past relationships is to NOT bash any of your ex-girlfriends! Think about what it says about your choices if the last women you were with you say was a “stone cold bitch from hell that cheated on me.” Even if your ex tried to run you over in her car while throwing grenades at you, it would be best to keep that drama out of the conversation. There is no need to LIE about your ex, however there is also no need to bring up the horrible details either. You goal is to pace the attraction with this women in front of you, not let the “ghost” of your ex have a presence.
From here, unless you and the woman are engaged in an amazing flow of conversation or things have advanced to getting “touchy-feely” between you both, I would suggest excusing yourself for the night, leaving her wanting to know more. Express having an interest in meeting again and exchange numbers AND e-mail. Since almost everyone has a MySpace profile, I typically ask for that as a means to make contact later. I am not going to get into that age old question “How long should I wait to call?” because it really does vary based on certain things in the interaction. I suggest not calling just yet at all and instead e-mail her.
If you met Friday night, I would e-mail her Saturday afternoon; telling her it was cool to have met her, bring up something she said that I liked. For example; “I saw a movie trailer on TV when I got home last night and thought of what you said about how many of them give away all the best scenes. That is so true.” You might want to express an interest in meeting for coffee this week. This is NOT a date. You’re just “continuing the great conversation we had on Friday” kind of thing.
Ok, get started with this information, and next week I will conclude next week with how to pace the attraction from here, into a more natural progression into getting physical together.
Be well, my friend, and Live Unleashed!
Michael “Bishop” Emery
www.new-alpha.com
