Why Women May Be Resistant To You - Some People Need A Good Clubbing: # 18

"Why Women May Be Resistant To You"

By Michael “Bishop” Emery

Next to knowing how to approach women in clubs, the biggest problem guys have is dealing with resistance from a woman and being unable to resist trying to advance things too quickly with her. Bishop is here to help you with that, my friend, so get excited!

After a guy manages the confidence to approach a woman in a club, what is a very common thing for the guy to do? There are two things that are most common:

1. Complimenting her
2. Buying her a drink
3. Lingering too long

I personally do none of these! Let us talk about “compliments” first. Why does a guy compliment a woman he has just met? The core reason why is because he wants her approval and wants her to talk to him. It gets the conversation started, but it also quickly lets her know what an unoriginal wussy you are. Think about the following in very real terms. Since you found her attractive enough to approach her, logically other guys have too. And since you used a compliment to get the conversation started, logically other guys probably have too. So to an attractive woman being approached and complimented is something she experiences frequently, and for many women they have on some level grown tired of hearing how good they look. As my friend Risa says, “No shit I’m hot! I have a mirror and I get to touch myself, I know what I got going on here.” I have another friend named Morgan who, when told how beautiful she is often replies, “I am? Really? Are you sure?” Guys use compliments so often as their initial words to a woman that many women get instantly turned off by it and almost nothing else you say afterwards will get her interested in you on any real level. You might as well have said, “I touched myself on the way over here” as far as she’s concerned.

The only compliment I have ever given women I was making first contact with has been on her attire, in which I have said, “I like what you’ve put together here. Well done.” The difference though is I say it as I am walking by her, I do not stop to talk with her further. I only say it if I am actually pleased with her attire, I believe in acknowledging a woman who obviously put a lot of thought and care into her appearance before going out.

Buying a woman a drink is the other typical thing a guy does for approval. Plus look at what it is saying to her, it is basically saying, “I lack confidence in my conversational abilities, so please accept this gift.” And do not fool yourself, the only obligation a woman may feel is to at least talk to you until the drink you bought her is finished. And in the case of most women they are only being polite, they actually have no real attraction toward you now. Do not get me wrong, there are women who do appreciate a man who buys them a drink; however there is a difference between being appreciative of it and being attracted by it. There is also a nice percentage of women who actually prey on guys for the purpose of getting them to buy drinks, with no real interest in getting to know these guys.

I know a woman from one of the clubs I frequent who is so skilled at getting guys to buy her drinks; she never has to bring any money to the club. I only found this out when one night she was “buying” me several rounds of drinks, and eventually told me she had been getting other guys to pay for them. I felt like I was her pimp or something. HaHa! I want to point out however that I am in no way saying to never buy a woman a drink. If you have built some rapport with a woman and have been having a mutually enjoyable flow of conversation for the last hour, the situation is different now. You are no longer buying an attractive stranger a drink out of hope for approval or to get her to talk to you; you are buying a drink for someone whom you are having a mutually enjoyable time with.

Lingering too long is another thing that will cause a woman to be resistant to you. I have a flexible rule that goes like this: I give a woman 5 minutes to be interesting, if she fails to do that I leave, if she accomplishes doing that I give her more time. There are many women in the club; I want to spend it with the ones who are interesting to me. I call it a flexible rule because some situations and circumstances may arise that interrupts us so I will give a little additional time to accommodate for that. But unless she and I really hit it off and are engaged in a great flow of conversation, I will leave after a handful of minutes and mingle elsewhere in the club. The way I see it, clubs were meant to be walked through, they are meant for you to meet many people throughout your time there instead of latching on to the first one who will talk to you.

Most guys will stay there talking to a woman simply because she lets him, and since I feel most women like to be polite they will not flat out tell him to leave. Instead, most women will give subtle hints or do certain actions in hopes that the guy will leave or at least get the hint that she is not interested. Things like:

• Turning her body away from you and staying that way as she talks to friends/other people
• Making little or very infrequent eye contact with you
• Being disagreeable with most/all of what you are saying
• Sending you off to get her a drink
• Excusing herself to the bathroom then mingling elsewhere in the club instead of returning
• Tell you she has a boyfriend/is seeing someone
• Suddenly get a call or text message and spend awhile on it

Trust me when I say that if a woman finds you interesting and is starting to become attracted to you, she will let you know through asking you questions about yourself and asking you to elaborate on your answers, and engaging the conversation instead of you having to break the silence time and again, and/or going into depth the topics. One other thing to consider as to why you might be getting resistance from women is you may be trying to advance things too quickly before she has become comfortable. I have witnessed many guys say to a woman, “We should go out sometime” yet they barely know much more about her than her name and who she came there with. Think about what might be going through her head as a result. Perhaps these might be going through her head:

• “How few friends must he have to want to go out with someone he barely knows?”
• “Hmm, it’s pretty obvious he’s going to try and kiss me/shag me if I go out with him.”
• “He is so my bitch!”
• “Ewww!”

Another thing guys try to advance too quickly is getting touchy-feely with her. You just met this woman and already you have your hands on her or you are touching her frequently. It creeps women out and makes you look clingy and/or needy for affection. Most times the only touching I do on a woman I have just met is to playfully “tap” her shoulder with my hand and call her a brat after she makes a certain kind of comment, or as I am leaving I will shake her hand. Not kiss her hand, shake it. To me, kissing the hand of a woman I have spent less than an hour in great conversation with is the physical equivalent of buying her a drink; it reeks of approval seeking!

Women who are in clubs are obviously social or they would not be at the club in the first place, so if she seems at all unsociable to you after the first five minutes of talking with her, you have most likely done one or more of the things I have been talking about here. Yes, take it personally because that might be what it takes for you to stop doing the things that are getting you resistance from women.

That’s My Opinion, But You’re Welcome To It!

Michael “Bishop” Emery